Name is Li Xin, came into the world on 12/06. Currently studying in AMKSS, formerly from Ai Tong School. Proud member of NCC Land.
Also known as Ruby Aspen, Rubyfur, Ruby, Meow Meow.

Crazy about Big Bang, Infinite, Choshinsung (Supernova), Super Junior, Dalmation, Co-Ed, G.Na, and Teen Top!

----Lengthy rant ahead----

I don’t know when it all started, the pressure and stuff. It definitely wasn’t there in January, or even February. I think it was during the camp. When I felt really tired, the stress and stuff all coming on at that time.

There has been plenty of times when I said that I felt like I want to stop fighting. Then an incident occurred, I told myself that I would never run again, I would always fight it through. What struck me the hardest was the late morning incident on the third day of the camp. The other people’s words didn’t really affect me that much, I knew they were trying to help me, in a way. But his words really hurt.

In the past, I don’t know why, but I could count on my juniors for some kind of support. Somehow, now, I also felt like I kinda lost that support I used to see in them. Truthfully, I’m depending mostly on Jason (yes, Jason) and Ryan now. I don’t show it, but that’s the truth. I can’t connect with Umar anymore, he’s in a different class with different people and stuff.

I can still cope with my studies. Last year, when I couldn’t, I didn’t even feel this kind of stress. I know it’s the emotional support thingy, but what can I really do about it? Last year, I had this person who really listened and helped me. Then all of a sudden he turned against me. That I could still handle, I had my close friends, my punchbags, and actually some support from my juniors even though they may not know it.

Now, we are all in different classes, it’s hard to connect with old friends. One of my listeners also seemed to have turned against me, I’m not sure. I feel like I lost the support I used to see in my juniors, I feel like whatever approach I use to get to knowing the Part As are all not working.

In the past when I mentioned that I want to stop fighting, I could still look forward to something. The support I previously mentioned, close friends, listeners, juniors. Now each day is just passing by slowly and painfully, I keep wondering when will be the next moment I will get hit again.

In the past when I looked at the list of people on my MSN list, I see plenty of people I could chat with. Now, out of 17 people online, I don’t wish to talk to anyone of them.

I also don’t know what to do. I lost all interest in things I used to do to take my mind off those things. I can’t focus on anything. In class I take down every note that the teachers write on the board, but it’s just not entering my mind.

In truth, I just want to sleep, and sleep forever.

[[내 사랑이 제자리로 오지 못하고 흘린 눈물 만큼 멀리 가네요]]

My love can't come to this place, it's going as far as many tears I've cried

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